Self Pity

Self Pity

Hi, was wondering exactly what is self pity, I don't know how to identify this in myself.

I am in a stage of feeling hurt, lonely and empty, due to an event,being dumped.

All weekend i found myself wandering around by myself, with noone to call up and do anything with, as in a new place and trying to make new friends.

These feelings have lasted the last two months I just focused so much on the event and how i could have changed it and berating myself and thinking about how completly desolate and lonely i feel and looking at everyone enjoying themselves and feeling in more pain.

I keep thinking about how bad i feel and just start crying. I just ended up feeling worse after that weekend after dwelling on it all.

Have i been in self pity?

if i could identify it i could use the technique outlines here.

Thankyou,

by Cate

(Mark - I assume the technique you're talking about is the one found at join-the-fun.com/self-pity.html.

Anyway, there are a few ways to distinguish self pity from grief, etc.

First, if you're feeling self pity, then you will be simultaneously thinking a lot of thoughts, especially along the lines of "poor me". If it's grief or something similar, then you will be feeling the feelings with little or no thought happening.

Second, self pity goes on and on and on, while grief will only last a short time. You cannot 'cleanly' experience ANY real emotion for more than a few minutes at a time.

Any feelings that go on and on for any length of time are not 'real' emotions, but instead some sort of 'man-made fabrication' (for lack of a better word.)

Third, cleanly feeling any real emotion will raise your resonance at least somewhat. Pity and similar states do not. In other words, you almost always feel better after cleanly expressing real emotion. With pity there is no change.

These are some of the clues. Keep in mind that it can be easy to switch back and forth between grief and pity, which further complicates the matter.

Bottom line: do the self pity technique and see what happens!

It actually works fairly well for other emotions as well.)

end of comments re: Self Pity

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