Woman And Depression

Why do the words 'woman and depression' go together a little better than you'd like 'em to?

Depression affects women twice as much as it affects men. But then, you probably already knew that. No mystery there.

The mystery is in the why. The mystery is in the 'why me?' And the mystery is in what to do about it.

It starts in puberty, when so many girls also lose their confidence and self-esteem.

All kids are under enormous pressure. They get it from all directions. At certain ages, this pressure is dramatically increased by the phenomenon called 'the shame of separation'.

It's the natural separation that occurs in the development of all children. And it creates, as its byproduct, shame.

Shame comes in 'waves' at various ages. One wave occurs when kids break from their father (or fathering image) and bond instead with their friends.

This usually occurs at the ages of eleven to thirteen, for both boys and girls. Perhaps not coincidentally, it takes place at the same time as puberty.

(All children break from their mothers and bond with father around the age of five.)

The rage of hormones coupled with the shame of separation creates monumental change in all kids. However, this pressure of early adolescence is handled quite differently by girls than by boys.

To over-generalize, girls go inward, while boys go outward. At this age girls start to show higher incidences of depression, as well as anxiety, eating disorders, and a few other problems. All the result of 'internalizing' the overwhelming thoughts and feelings that occur.

Boys, on the other hand, generally cope with these problems by developing 'disruptive disorders' - turning outward with their unsettling emotions.

The end result is that by the ages of thirteen or so, girls have twice the reported rate of depression as boys do.

Another contributing factor to woman and depression is that with the onset of puberty comes the beginning of the 'monthly cycles' - another opportunity for drastic hormonal fluctuations, and thus another opportunity for depression to develop.

Turning to the grown-up years, the single highest category for depression occurs in unhappily married women.

If you're a woman - and you're suffering from depression, another contributing factor may be that usually, it's the woman who holds the family together.

The man isn't going to do it.

The kids aren't going to do it.

The demands and extra responsibilities dumped onto women - as role model, disciplinarian, care-giver, provider, nurturer, - to name but a few, - can create quite a bit of pressure.

Pressure that builds and builds and builds.

The major cause of depression - for both men and women - is unexpressed anger. Specifically, depression is usually anger you will get in trouble for having.

It's not the big, explosive, angers, but rather the small ones, that build up - often times for years.

"Don't say anything."

"Keep quiet - you'll get in trouble."

"Keep your mouth shut - you'll just start an argument."

"It's okay, it's okay, - it's not worth fighting over."

"God, I wish I could say something to express my anger, but I know where that will lead!"

And on it goes. It becomes a torrent of emotions. One day you just wake up depressed, and you have no idea why. This may have happened last week, or it may have happened fifty years ago.

Depression is gauze-like layers of anger (and other unexpressed emotions) - that quietly build over time.

Gauze-like layers.

In our chauvenistic society, men are allowed to express their emotions (especially their anger) much more than women. The woman who assertively expresses her anger is in grave danger of being labeled a 'bitch' - while a man doing the exact same thing is just being a man.

Adding to depression in a woman is that it's not necessarily safe to express your anger. Remember, depression is anger you believe you will get in trouble for expressing.

The safety to express your anger (and other emotions) is usually lacking. The question, "What will happen if I 'piss him off' is all-too-often answered with, 'I'll get in trouble'."

As you know this, as you can come to understand, - getting depression is almost a 'logical solution' to various circumstances that occur in the living of life - it puts a new perspective on the problem.

You're not 'bad' and 'wrong' for being depressed. Depression is a coping mechanism. It doesn't mean you're an undeserving person. Rather, it means you've thrown a 'wet blanket' over your 'emotional body'.

In addition to reading about women and depression, it's also important to understand the underlying causes that would lead someone to such a place to begin with.

I almost feel guilty because my life has become so enjoyable and so easy. Especially since I remember how miserable I used to be.

Basically it comes down to making one slight shift in what you do everyday, and you can watch in amazement as your life slowly begins to start working out in almost every way.

It's such an important change that I've written a complete e-book about it. And I'd like to give you a copy for free. All you have to do is write your first name and primary email address into the space below, and you'll be receiving a link to download the e-book right away.

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